For some reason I was convinced that at a certain point my weight loss would just cease. And it would cease before I wanted it to. In fact, I guessed that 230 or so would be my set point for awhile. I'm wrong, and I'm glad.
It has taken a long time to get to just "here." I'm still overweight, and that's frustrating, because you realize how much weight you needed to lose to begin with, b/c dammit, you've lost a lot already. But it's also a sweet moment, b/c I've never been this little in my memory. I've always been climbing the charts. Now, I'm surprising myself with every turn.
A quick shopping trip at Target blew me away when I realized after months of wearing clothes that were actually too big for me, that I'm no longer wearing a size precluded by a "2". I'm in 16/18 pants, and this is unbelievable. My "goal dress" fits, and is loose-ish. I wonder why I didn't set my goal lower, and I know now it's b/c I never thought I'd achieve anything better than that.
I'm also dropping very very quickly lately. A combination of nerves, and a heavy emphasis on lean protein and fruits and veggies have served to expedite my pound droppage, and I've lost a little over 10 pounds in about two weeks or so. For the month, that should be almost 18 pounds. I haven't lost that much weight since the first month or so.
I wonder inside when my body will know it's time to stop. If it will stop successfully, or whether I'll need to really work to eat more, denser caloric value foods.
No matter, because I'm 50 pounds from that day. And friends, I'm staring at that number. Only 50 pounds? ONLY? 50? Fifty lbs? What? Whatever happened to 170? How did this happen? I think it happened a moment at a time.
Today was a wow moment. I was walking into my office, wearing my badass size 18 jeans-so cute-and my new Michigan, super cozy hoodie. Makeup perfectly done, sassy new do, and I saw myself in the mirror and I was content. Oh, yes...I want to keep plodding away, but I mean, by God, I could handle the truth. I see myself and I feel rather skinny. (*laugh*) I know, I'm not. But, I also see where I'm headed and I'm just all "wow" about it.
I pray to the God in heaven that this mystery and this beauty of reclaiming who you are never leaves me and I never leave it. May I never take for granted a single second of acceptance and health and vitality because I could be on my way to dead right now had this course not been taken.
I want to fall to the ground in utter gratitude. I have my life back.
4 comments:
I would fall to the ground with you girl...I never actually set an ultimate goal and I still don't really want to...I am happy where I am. Every pound I lose now is a surprise and a delight...16-18 jeans and yesterday I bought some new tops in 18-20 and get this 14-16...crazy, stupid, happy...that's me...We are rocking this second chance that God has given us if I do say so myself...so happy for ya Lace!
You're amazing, Lacy! And you are so gonna beat me to 199!
I know what you mean about looking in the mirror; there are times I feel so good about what I see and then other times when I can't believe what I am seeing. There are still third times when I still see that gal that weighed 315 pounds, but that one is becoming less and less thankfully.
Love ya!
Yes you do! I can relate to that feeling of catching your reflection and actually--gasp!--LIKING it! :)
About 50 more for me too.
And can I be the first to say that you look FABULOUS!! I am so proud of what you've accomplished, and can't wait to see what's next!
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